Depression Poll

[Victor]

I've seen polls on the personality type, religious beliefs, (or lack thereof,) and social liberalism of people here, and I thought I'd take another poll. Various people have posted about suffering from depression and/or having suicidal thoughts and/or making suicide attempts, (see here and here for example,) and I was somewhat surprised at how many people seemed to have suffered from depression, indeed quite severe depression.

So, I'm asking for a headcount of sorts. How many here have suffered from depression, and if you have and you feel comfortable answering, how severe was it? For instance, how long did it last, was it recurring, did you have suicidal thoughts or make any attempts, etc.? Also, for those who answer yes, I'm interested in what factors you think led to your depression? In particular, I'm curious of course whether politics had anything to do with it, but I'm guessing there are many other factors that people would point to besides that.

I realize this is a heavy topic, but I'm curious never-the-less.

(In regard to my own answer, I have depression now and have had for some time, to the point where I've grown used to it. I'm actually not sure how to talk about it without making it sound quite sad... so I'll just let you guys and gals answer and if you're curious about me I'll try and answer questions as you ask them. I'm actually not really posting for the sake of confiding or seeking comfort, not today at least, just posting out of curiosity.)

[Seth King]

I had depression that lasted 3 years. It was really bad. I had everything in the world going for me. My depression led to a downfall.

But I'm no longer depressed now. My depression stemmed from one thing and one thing only. Being single. I was in my early twenties and had never had a girlfriend.

In life, you can go out and get just about anything you want. If you're willing to work hard for something, you can get it. But with women, it's different. No matter how hard you try you can't earn a girlfriend, or buy one. It takes two to tango, and if no women are interested in you, you're fucked. Well, actually, you're not fucked. You're the opposite of fucked. You're celibate.

Not everybody places a high importance on love. But I do. What's the point of having money or an adventurous life if you haven't got anybody to share it with?

Anywho, by the grace of God my wife and I discovered each other and with that went away my depression. A lot of women seem to think that's really pathetic. And maybe it is. They say things like "you shouldn't let your self-worth be dependent on others." Maybe they're right. But I think that's the sort of advice a person gives who can get any man/woman they want, and often does.

When you're on the opposite end of that spectrum it's a different story entirely. I think a lot of depression exists out of loneliness. I don't have answers for that. I have to imagine our lack of freedom somehow negatively affects the quality of our relationships. I don't know.

[Syock]

Dang Seth, I could have written your post word for word, except the happy ending you found.  I ended up in bad relationships, broke up, then went back to depression.  I fight it every day.  I am doing ok thanks to a close friend I found, but it isn't gone.  

As for the poll, I have had suicidal thoughts.  It all started when I was pretty young.  I didn't act on it because I felt that I owed a financial debt to my parents if I were going to do that.  That is paid off now.  I don't know if my previously mentioned friend realizes how much she keeps that issue at bay for me currently.  I don't want to worry her about it either.  

I think all in all, I have gone through about 18 years of depression now.  It has major impacts on my life and confidence/desire to do things etc.  

[MAM]

Me too guys. I'm fucking lonely as hell. Day to day is a struggle. Because frankly I find this culture repulsive in a lot of ways.

[Syock]

Me too guys. I'm fucking lonely as hell. Day to day is a struggle. Because frankly I find this culture repulsive in a lot of ways.

Indeed it is.  It is difficult to find someone I care to know.  Toss on the issue of them wanting to know me, and it seems near impossible.

[SimonJester]

Have suffered from varying levels of depression, with bouts of self-medication, all my adult life.  Worst it ever got was my "bad year".  At age 19, my degenerative disease put me on crutches.  I spent the whole year on crutches, every waking hour in terrible pain, and most hours were waking because the pain was too bad to sleep.  I averaged ten hours of sleep per week, usually all at once, and obtained only by swallowing a fistful of narcotic pills washed down by a fifth of wild turkey, not caring whether I woke up.  I was also isolated, malnourished, etc.  my father was a fighter pilot and compared the experience to that of a POW.  I had hallucinations and delusions, extreme paranoia.

It culminated in my putting a twelve gauge in my mouth and pulling the trigger.  I forgot that the safety was on, couldn't get up the nerve to try again.  I've been a gun guy my whole life, and I don't make those kinds of mistakes, so I think there must have been some part of me that wanted to live, and forgot to disengage the safety "on purpose", but subconsciously.  

I have since had much improvement, medically.  I can walk, my hips are prosthetic.  I still deal with chronic pain, and need narcotics to function, but I function.  I still cope with depression, but it's mostly manageable now.

[Seth King]

Yeesh

[Victor]

Hate to do a threadsurrect, but I never thanked those who posted their stories here for posting them, and I wanted to do so. Thanks everyone! Hearing other people's perspectives on this sort of thing can help sometimes.

[kelvinwo]

Hate to this world a lot because I am struggling to get my value in this world so I am very depressed.

[Montanarchist]

I have bipolar disorder and don't take breakups very well, I've cut myself and made several attempts at suicide. Only my Asatru faith and my desire to spite the world were able to pull me back from the pit.