I think I have a mental problem

I will now tell you part of my story hopefully it helps. If your aren't interested don't read past this line.

My mother has always been the black sheep of the family. They talk shit about her demean her and all sorts of nasty things. She is such a black sheep that I have "family" that live like five minutes from my house that I literally have not seen in years. The only time we see them is when we bother to make an effort to, which hasn't been in a while. The point is because of her experience in this matter she has always told me not to care what others think.

My father has always been told that he is a fatass and demeaned by his family. Growing up he was told he was fat and stupid. In High School his teachers told him that he was too stupid to bother going to college (he was almost forty when he went to college, and graduated).

My father was a football player and pretty good at it (even though he was a "fat ass"). His experience in High School was sticking up to bullies, even sticking up for people who wouldn't do it themselves. He had studied martial arts in High School. He told me that bullies always picked on people in groups because they were weak and scared and looking for an easy mark, and that if you stood up to them they would leave you alone, because they didn't want a fight they just wanted to be unchallenged assholes.

When I was in elementary school there was this kid who picked on me every day during school (calling me names, shoving etc..) he did this from first grade all the way until sixth grade. In sixth grade we were walking to the buses and he was harassing me, well I'd had enough 5 or so years of this guy was enough for me. So I threw him against a wall twisted his arm behind his back and manipulated his fingers into a "chicken wing" a pain compliance hold which is quite painful. I said some thing like "leave me alone you bastard" and then I shoved his head into the wall, not too hard but hard enough to make my point.

Well he left me alone for a while and then started again. I reminded him of what I had done to him and told him that next time I was actually going to hurt him. He never bothered me again.

More bullies came and went. Now I am a big boy 5'11" at 230lbs or so. So one of their common forms of harassment was to call me a fat ass etc... (this in spite of the fact that I can do 70 push ups in a minute, 60 or so situps in a minute and run an 8minute mile). Any way I returned to my passive ways and in High School people started bullying me again. At this point I was training at Jackson's MMA 4hours a day 3 days a week and so I was strong, I was fast and my skills had increased substantially in hand to hand. Now I got tired of the bullies and took a policy of if you fucked with me I punched in the face repeatedly until I was satisfied that I had made my point. After I made one of the star wrestler's head swell up and turn black and blue (I also defeated him on the ground) people left me alone.

Fast forward a few years, now I am in college and though I still struggle with self esteem issues I don't do so nearly as much as I used to. Part of it is not being in that environment any more. Part of it is just meeting good people (I met the guy I consider one of my closest friends if not my best friend in college, and he has helped me immensely THANK YOU), and part of it is maturing I think.

The point is if some one is bullying you point out that they do it because they lack self esteem and are trying to make themselves feel better. One of my favorite lines was "Who are you trying to convince me or you?" and if that doesn't work beat the shit out of them, and I promise they will leave you alone. And without them constantly demeaning you, your self esteem will grow.

Also if you set a goal (it can be an easy one at first) and then achieve it that will also boost your confidence.

Just remember you got this!

Sorry for the long winded post. I just hope that if it doesn't help you it will help someone.

Edit: I just want to make it clear that I've never been one to hall off and punch someone for talking shit. But I have done it after continued and incessant pestering. That doesn't make it okay. But damn it's satisfying.