I think I have a mental problem

[Hanzo]

Help me out with this.

I have always been somewhat of a "worrier", often worrying about things that were or were not outside of my control. I used to get sick (as in throwing up) every morning before going to school because of anxiety of not wanting to be there. It wasn't anything specific, like a bully or anything, I just really did not want to go.

Lately, this problem has been much worse. I can't enjoy anything anymore, it's gotten so bad. For example, I got home around 10:30 from band practice yesterday (which I was perfectly fine at), and started playing a video game. It was a game I very much like, but I couldn't get into it.

Random bad thoughts started popping into my head: What if I hate my life in 20 years? What if I choose the wrong profession? What if I get some handicapping illness? What if my parents are disappointed because I don't become a business professional, or I take a job that doesn't require college in the first place? etc.

All stuff generally about my personal future. My biggest worry is about a career/living up to expectations (ie being successful in the world's eyes, such as my family [including extended], peers, and what not), and also my health or unexpected traumatizing event.

This is not a matter of simply me bitching. I can't do anything I enjoy anymore without thinking about this stuff. Games, reading, even sleeping is a tough one. It took me until 4:00am to fall asleep last night.

I've considered everything from one extreme to the other: trying to break into a high end finance (investment banking/private equity/etc) and working 80-100 hours a week to make over 100k right out of college, working for 10 years at a normal job saving 80% of my net income and then frugally retiring before age 35 (http://earlyretirementextreme.com/), starting a business, being a 21st century hermit/gypsy/whateveryoucallit like http://www.strike-the-root.com/62/herman/herman3.html, getting a normal job and normal apartment andbeing normal, you get the picture.

There are problems with all of these things, and that is why I worry. I'm afraid that I'll choose the wrong path and die unhappy before I hit 60 from stress or misery and related health conditions.

I'm not asking anyone to choose my life for me, but to help me get over it so I can do things I want today. I know I shouldn't stress, but it's not a voluntary choice.

I want to be able to enjoy things today.

Sorry if this isn't a very loungish topic, but I've become sleep deprived because of this anxiety problem, and can't take it anymore.

Thanks everyone.

P.S. this is sort of where I got my name from. I've gone by ninja before, but that is common. However, I'm a ninja who is deprived of sleep/sunlight/nutrition/sex/exercise/younameit

[Hanzo]

gotta bump this before it gets buried

[Syock]

There are problems with all of these things, and that is why I worry. I'm afraid that I'll choose the wrong path and die unhappy before I hit 60 from stress or misery and related health conditions.

There is no need to stress over these things.  Most people make three major career changes in their life.  If you pick a path and find it isn't what you want, you can always pick another path.  It is not set in stone.  

If you think there might be something you enjoy doing, go give it a shot.  If you find it you won't care about the hours, the years, or the pay.  You will do it even if you are retired because you like the work.  A lot of retired people keep working because they like to.  

Personally I have gone through even more careers than that already, and have more I am looking at starting soon, as well as major lifestyle changes.  

I was going to write a long response to this, but I was afraid I would just be tossing more stuff at you.  

[Seth King]

Right now the world is in a state of transition. Pretty much everything sucks and everybody is unhappy. People don't often tell their family, friends, colleagues, and strangers how unbelievably miserable they are. But people all around the world are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Something's gotta give and I truly believe that all of the hardship we're experiencing right now is nothing more than birthing pains. The world is in labor. Labor hurts. But when it's all finished we will have given birth to something new and miraculous.

Once we abolish the state the world will be an incomprehensibly better place. You're going to see productivity climb through the roof. Even gas station attendees will live happy lives knowing that they are able to provide for their entire family on a single income, and still have health and retirement and plenty of vacation time.

Patience, my friend. Anarchotopia is upon us.

[SinCityVoluntaryist]

Ninja, I completely understand how you feel. I suffer from low self-esteem and anxiety problems, so I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I worry constantly about things that, for the most part, are completely outside of my control. The future, income, work--all of these things go through my head on a habitual basis. I talk to a therapist about every week or two. Have you considered seeing one yourself? They can be helpful because you can exert all of your feelings and not be judged.

 As Stefan as stated in the past, the theories that we have on mental illness are completely illogical and misleading. You say that there is something wrong with you internally, but it couldn't be that you're feeling this way because of the problems with the external environment surrounding you.

[JustSayNoToStatism]

For the majority of my life I had been a worrier, especially at your age. I'm long since over it, and now I hardly worry at all. A few things helped me get past it.
1) Worrying so much that I couldn't take it anymore. I started caring less as a means of self-preservation. I was effectively burning out. But guess what? Even with caring way less, I still did just as well. It turns out, the marginal benefit of my worrying (the bonus I got from the added effort) was WAY smaller than the marginal cost.
2) Messing up on something really important and having to come to grips with the fact that I'm not perfect.
3) Becoming really confident, despite my imperfections.

[BobRobertson]

Seriously, I suggest yoga. Or, if that's not your speed, some decent martial arts like Bujinkan school taijutsu. Get control of yourself, through control of your body.

Find some time to mediate every day. Eat better. I personally recommend going Primal, but that's your call not mine to make.

Perfection is impossible, doesn't mean you can't improve what you believe needs to be improved.

When you have a few BENEFICIAL things to focus upon, the minor worries that everyone has will be shown as generally irrelevant. "Don't sweat the small stuff." Those few things that are actually problems that need to be solved will also be better seen and more easily resolved because you won't have all the little things distracting you.

[dpalme]

Talking about it is key in my opinion. As BlackandGr9y mentioned, a therapist could be a great option, or you talk to one of us. If you wanna talk, just shoot me a message and we can talk about whatever. Anarchism, music, movies, whatever the hell is on your mind.

[r3VOLutionRefugee]

Seriously, I suggest yoga. Or, if that's not your speed, some decent martial arts like Bujinkan school taijutsu. Get control of yourself, through control of your body.

Find some time to mediate every day. Eat better. I personally recommend going Primal, but that's your call not mine to make.

Perfection is impossible, doesn't mean you can't improve what you believe needs to be improved.

When you have a few BENEFICIAL things to focus upon, the minor worries that everyone has will be shown as generally irrelevant. "Don't sweat the small stuff." Those few things that are actually problems that need to be solved will also be better seen and more easily resolved because you won't have all the little things distracting you.

I can vouch for primal as well.  Did you learn about it from Tom Woods?

[MAM]

If I remember correctly in your introduction you said that you were raised a Christian. If your upbringing in Christianity was anything like mine then you were told that you were a piece of shit that had to beg God for forgiveness because of the fact that you existed, and if you didn't beg good enough you would spend eternity tortured.

This may not help you in itself but it may explain why you lack confidence and understanding the source of your problem is the key to destroying it. It is very difficult to conquer the enemy you don't know.

Anyway mate you got this!

 

[Aegidius]

I'm afraid I don't have a solution for you, but I can tell you that what you're going through is not unique.  I've felt your pain.  I think it's actually a pretty common problem, and not a sign of any mental illness/defect.

[MAM]

I'm afraid I don't have a solution for you, but I can tell you that what you're going through is not unique.  I've felt your pain.  I think it's actually a pretty common problem, and not a sign of any mental illness/defect.

I agree I too have had (and continue to have, though not as often) this problem.

[JustSayNoToStatism]

If I remember correctly in your introduction you said that you were raised a Christian. If your upbringing in Christianity was anything like mine then you were told that you were a piece of shit that had to beg God for forgiveness because of the fact that you existed, and if you didn't beg good enough you would spend eternity tortured.

This may not help you in itself but it may explain why you lack confidence and understanding the source of your problem is the key to destroying it. It is very difficult to conquer the enemy you don't know.

Anyway mate you got this!

 

This is definitely how I explain my own lack of confidence early in life.

I was one of the few brainwashed schmucks to actually contemplate the meaning of infinity, and what the threat of eternal damnation truly meant. I realized how serious a threat it was, and it fucked me up even more than it would have for normal people. I lived as a terrified freak, concerned that every thought in my head came from satan.....if that isn't the source of my childhood self-esteem issues, I'm not sure what could have done it.

[BobRobertson]

I can vouch for primal as well.  Did you learn about it from Tom Woods?

While I was in Japan, there was a fad "Eat to your blood type". The recommendation for my blood type is "Red meat and green veggies."

Primal is just another way of saying the same thing.

Tom Woods sure is looking good, he's dropped some weight from his face over the last few months. However, I think the better eating is making his beard even thicker! 

[Hanzo]

If I remember correctly in your introduction you said that you were raised a Christian. If your upbringing in Christianity was anything like mine then you were told that you were a piece of shit that had to beg God for forgiveness because of the fact that you existed, and if you didn't beg good enough you would spend eternity tortured.

This may not help you in itself but it may explain why you lack confidence and understanding the source of your problem is the key to destroying it. It is very difficult to conquer the enemy you don't know.

Anyway mate you got this!


 

That may be true for a lot of people, but I don't think that is the main cause of my lacking self confidence.

For me, it was more of a social thing. Bullies and such, but not exactly bullies. Let me explain.



Bullshit like that that picture. Back in 7th grade or so there was this one kid who would try to be better than everyone else no matter what the cost. If I attempted something and failed, he would always be there to rub it in. People demeaning me emotionally/mentally (to a much lesser extent phsyically) just hurts.

After that and up to today, it is not people trying to demean me in particular, but in general. People who have to make others feel bad about themselves for whatever reason, like the douche in the picture. I know guys who have to butt in on every conversation, offline and online, just to prove how cool/smart they are. I hear what people say about other's behind their back.

That bullshit like the picture pisses me off so much. People believing others should live a certain way (eating/looking/acting a certain way) which is one reason I hate the state as well. That it is not only ok, but preferable to ostracize and make fun of people for being different (fat/ugly/awkward/etc). Or, in the government's case, killing them.

See this viral video: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAgti_2uziA" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAgti_2uziA</a> That is the same thing many people do on a daily basis, but of the same age group instead of an old lady.

Why do people do this? Is it to make them feel better about themselves? Why do they need to do this if they are so athletic/attractive?

Ever see step brothers? Think of Derek, the brother who grosses "500k a year" and bullies everyone. Real life people who act like that scare me. I don't want to be seen as a loser in anybody's eyes

I think that is why I lack confidence- being bullied and told by society in general that I'm a piece of shit for not acting or desiring or thinking the right way. I act very secluded because I don't want to be shot down. Failure in public view scares me. It's sort of like a phobia, but not in the same way I am afraid of spiders.