Perhaps, however, the protesters don’t go far enough. We should then find the most beautiful 1% and scar their faces with box cutters. Then we should find the smartest 1% and damage their brains. We should find the most athletic 1% and break their legs. We should find the healthiest 1% and feed them poison.
Equality for all! Of course, the plan is predicated upon electing a strong, wise politician and investing in him (or her) the absolute power to decide who is and who is not the 1%.
Perhaps I’m exaggerating just a bit. I’ll acknowledge that protesters might not be calling to take all the money from the richest 1%. But the comparison still stands; I’m not calling to take all the beauty from the most beautiful 1%, for example, only some of it — scar their faces just enough to knock them down into that meaty part of the bell curve.
The best aspects of this plan may lie in the fact that the country’s surplus of political talent would not go to waste. What a tragedy, what a waste it would be, if the gears of our wonderful political machines ceased to grind for want of problems to fix! Herein lies the genius of the 99%.
Imagine that we have eliminated the top 1% of riches, health, intelligence, beauty, athletic prowess, and so on. We have only taken one small step on the long road to equality. We quickly come face to face with the mathematical reality that a new top 1% offends our egalitarian sensibilities.
Think of the bell curve. We have not yet flattened it into a beautiful, divine, brilliant vertical line brimming with justice. We have only shaved off its offensive leading protrusion. More work remains for our great leaders. Their talents do not go to waste. They do not go obsolete.
This is, to resurrect an old slogan, “permanent revolution!”